Pre Final Year.

Bila dah nak jejak final year ni mesti teringatkan apalah yang kita buat dari first year jadi student uia sampai dah nak masuk tahun terakhir ni. Everything seems passing by swiftly..quickly.. not giving a damn pun pasal aku yang dah sampai tahap macamni. Apa-apa pun, what an honour you guyss. I have finally come this far.

Dulu masa 1st year, aku memang fikir "alaaaa lambat lagi ni, 4 tahun aku kat sini, aku nak enjoy and have fun banyak-banyak" BOY WAS I WRONG hahahaha.. Life is too short actually bila kau tak ada fokus. Aku mengaku aku banyak tersasar dan banyak miss peluang masa belajar dan hidup kat bumi uia, but that time has passed by pun. If aku nak regret dengan semua ni, I can, I am, and still am because I did not set my focus in the very beginning. 

Why aku cakap macamni?

Sebab semalam aku baru dapat result untuk tahun ketiga second semester. It was great. Alhamdulillah.

But then, aku tergerak hati nak bukak i-maalum, so I did. And aku observe prestasi result aku dari first year sampai la result semalam. Ada something yang mengganggu aku. I'm not sure what causes it, but I'll try to compose here to get my own gist.

Prestasi tahun pertama was good. I got DL. Because aku ada set mind aku nak buat yang terbaik for 1st year, so that aku boleh maintain result tu sampailah semester seterusnya.. Alhamdulillah, it went well, as time passes, my result increases and that makes me got DL for 3 consecutive semesters. Untill......

One day.. aku tak dapat DL. The feeling that time, aku masih tak rasa apa sangat..But looking at it now, it seems unsettling and different. Imagine from 3.61 and suddenly merudum dapat solid 3.00 je. Hahahaha. I'm not sure if korang yang baca ni cakap aku kerek ke, show off ke, but that is exactly how I feel. I'm still an average student. Even now pun, aku still tak boleh rasa aku akan jadi top students. Benda ni jelas sebab I don't want to. I'm searching for something else, not this grade sangat pun (kalau dapat, that's bonus).

Maybe aku memang cuma nak maintain jadi average student je kot. But who cares about that?

The semester yang aku dapat 3.00 tu memang reasonable kot. Sebab subjek waktu tu banyak yang buat aku stressed dan lonely. Macam tak ada kawan sangat yang boleh diajak berbincang or maybe sebab aku kurang suka dengan lecturers waktu tu (I don't know but it kinda true). Or maybe sebab aku banyak main-main, outing selalu or aku tak hormat kawan-kawan aku (i think this is true too)

I've learned my lesson, and I don't learn some too. But I bet that's just life. We experienced it, are experiencing it and will definitely experience it again.

Anyway alhamdulillah, I managed to increase it bit by bit...not so great, but I did it anyway.

Until yesterday comes, I'm grateful. It was 3.61 

Apa-apa pun, I don't judge my intelligence and good behaviour based on my result. I just want to compose here so that I can remember this very beautiful moment and get over it. I'm getting 23 anyway. I wonder what awaits me..

There are still so much more to explore right?

I'm sorry if I ever did hurt anyone, either to my friends, my family, the people that passed by in my life, and I'm sorry too to myself for not taking a good care of you, for always eating unhealthy food, and for having sleep routine problem. I'm sorry because I'm gonna do it again.. 

Dear self, all the best for your upcoming phase in your life. 

Please be healthy, earn more, respect people, and make new friends. 

Ya Allah, please do not let myself astray from your true path. Surround me with good people and give me strength to live my life. And please bless my family, especially my parents a healthy body, healthy mind and healthy ibadah to you. Aamiin. 

Fara Fasihah

5 Februari 2020 - 11.39 pm