So if my life was falling apart, do I have to blame it on anyone?

To be honest, my current situation is kind of tearing into pieces... I got frustrated because my plans didn't work out, got devastated because I have to deal with so much online pressure, got worn out because I have to struggle loving myself and putting away all the doubts. WALLAHI THEY WERE HARD TO BARE!!!!

In recent days, I cried before going to sleep. I cried and cried and cried so hard that I feel very very worthless. Like, what am I supposed to do with my life now? Do I have to ONLY believe that God plans for you better? Yes! But I also am not stupid to just sit still, not doing anything 🤷🏻‍♀

I have tried.

"maybe you've not tried enough"

"maybe you're just playing around"

"maybe you set your mind wrong"

Sometimes I follow a few advice that I got from my friend, not to do this, not to do that, do this, do that, to the extent it leads to now-me.

I have to tell you. It is HORRIBLE.

Why do I say it's horrible? Because it seems like your friend want to manipulate you into doing something that beneath them. I guess it is somehow related to us, doesn't it?

It's true sometimes you have to follow your own instinct, in accordance to your will, and so on, BUT friends do help you to make up your mind, right? 

Were they wrong if I follow their advice?

Were they wrong if I do not listen to their advice?

Then, who's got the blame?

I'm gonna say it's mine. But... 

I'm just gonna say that I am not clever enough to make a decision, that I'm not smart to take a few back-up steps, that I'm a glass half empty person..

This 2-months trip gave me some lesson that I might want to recall in the future, so I won't have any regrets.

And all in all, someone said to me that you have to be grateful with everything you have now. Don't be intimidated if your pals and friends have the higher achievement than you do. Because our time zone is totally different.

Your 21-year-old might witness your success in travelling the world.

Your 18-year-old might see your massive achievement in business.

Your 23-year-old might have to deal with your own new built family.

Isn't it?

Life is just passing by. Clock is ticking. And let us just move on. Forward to a better life, better mindset, better attitude and behaviour. Aamiin.

Let's just focus to do what we love to do and what we ought to do. We just have to START. Don't wait till you perfect. THERE'S ALWAYS FIRST TIME IN EVERYTHING. SO I URGE ME MYSELF AND YOU TO JUST DO IT.

May the courageous, strong will, and success be with us.

Semoga kita ikhlas kerana Tuhan,

Fara Fasihah